Your inner language and what you think to yourself is powerful. If you don’t slow down and give yourself time to process a crisis or life transition, you risk making decisions you might regret.
It is important to separate feelings from thoughts. For example, “I feel neglected” or “I feel like no one cares” are not actually feelings. If you get caught up in feelings like being scared, jittery, angry or anxious, you might blame your uncomfortable feelings on other people or view everything in terms of worst-case scenarios.
When you say “I feel like no one cares,” you might really be saying that you feel helpless. Instead of spinning your mental wheels and blaming the people around you for letting you down, you can get very clear about what it would take for you to feel comforted. And then you can tell your loved ones specifically what you need. Sometimes it’s not that other people don’t care, but simply that they don’t know what they can do to support you.
This even applies in positive life events. For example, if you received a bonus at work, you might think “Yes! Now I can go out and buy that new watch that I’ve been wanting,” or “Well, finally! I should have gotten this a long time ago!” Thinking that you can buy expensive material goods may really indicate a feeling of confidence but can lead to overspending. And, blaming others for not getting what you feel you deserved can mask feelings of resentment.